Sometime in the late 90’s we took a family day trip down the coast to Monterey.
We were going off of the 101 and came to this one-lane road that went through a fairly med-size town with old looking buildings, drab but distinguished, lining some little main strip beneath graying skies,the only color found in the vibrant crepe paper banners strung across the sky like lace and ones you’d see during the Day of the Dead. We were winding through that strip. At the bend in the road, up ahead I could make out someone waving their hands and swaying in a dirty knock-off character suit of Winnie the Pooh. If he had a significant red shirt, and maybe some pants, it wouldn’t be so startling to see. But there it was, Winnie the Something all creepy with his slumping smile that somehow brought the kids to the yard.
We passed the bear and the little children that were laughing and dancing around him. They were so happy and still he was just a dirty, naked bear.
Yes, haven’t posted in weeks ANYTHING. And now that I post this I sure won’t be posting something substantial. To be blunt, things right now aren’t hitting me. I had this REALLY great idea of getting back into the self-publishing game that was in turbo drive, but to excel at that rate so quickly (like, trying to belt things out in less than a week), I’ve crashed. You’ve find me here and now and losing my mind on what to write. I can’t think of anything anymore, lately.
I think in that time I got so excited to publish something I got anxiety and some perspective. What am I really writing? Am I passionate about this thing I want to put out? Or is it just that, a thing I want to have just to say “Oh hey, so I have a book out.” I love writing and what I’ve been able to produce in the past, like my little stories and essays. But this new thing is going to be put on hold. I don’t like what was going to appear in it because all of a sudden my heart isn’t in it. That’s the big downfall of people who want to write, but then lose that passion because the subject they want to pursue doesn’t come off as interesting anymore. Rather would do other things in life than put life aside to write. And that defeats the purpose of this passion, doesn’t it?
That, and the fact that at this moment, too much is going on in my life. I need to stop trying to accomplish so much, and choose my battles wisely. I did. I just switched jobs and took a risk in a new direction and I only hope that this gives me a peace of mind. And from here on out, I think I’ll be fine. I’ve read a few things that helped be realize Change isn’t about whether or not you want it and on what terms you’re ready to give in. It’s about when it happens out of the blue and you deal with it, willingly and the outlook that there’s a positive, always. Remember these quotes where I’ve read somewhere:
Fear is good. Fear means you’re growing.
We must take adventures in order to know where we truly belong.
The change in all of this is that I know that the drive will be back. There in the open, ready for me to tackle and bring back to this blog the duende it’s been lacking.