Thinking Aloud About Friends

Some of the best people you know move away from you. People you’ve known since 6th grade, new faces at work who are ready to quit and move on to a new opportunity; friends in other states that you scarcely see but somehow they’re the only people that matter when time does bring you together. Are they leaving you alone?

Of course they’re not. Things pull people apart, no one person is tied to another and that’s something I need to keep telling myself. I’m the worst offender when it comes to clinging. I try to not show it; but years of jealously and reevaluating my self esteem based on the people I was surrounded with in those first few years of college brought about not the most graceful time of friendship for me. And people I thought I would endure life with forever left out of the blue and for stupid reasons. I’ve experienced a weird and frustrating journey of relationships and trying to maintain them for a variety of complications that seem stupid now, and even worse, can’t be fixed. And now it’s a time to let go.

I wanted to talk about this after I recently had drinks out with one of these great friends. She’s usually away in Santa Clara at law school and these past few months we’ve barely seen or talked. And finally for the five hours we hung out, it was just great to glaze over so much going on in our lives– and happier to know that she’s staying around for awhile. I couldn’t help but think that, against her assurance, what about other people I’ve come to love? They say friends come and go and this is the year that it’s going to happen and I don’t want it to happen– yet I’m prepared to embrace it. I need to realize that the loss of friends close by means making you a better person for the long run so that they won’t forget about you at all, no matter where they journey to.

What really matters now is, how can you make it on your own. It’s frustrating because not only did you see who really made a difference in your life and stuck around, but how long they put up with things like never responding to texts and cancelling plans last minute or insisting we meet up and do crazy shit together on a Tuesday night. And now you’re on your own and you have to find out how to keep going and growing into a better you. Just keep thinking positive. Perhaps on your own is the ultimate test of friendship– in their absence will you be a better person, or just a bitter dickhead?

2015 without some friends is just going to you at your best in the new year. Be happy for them, and that’s the best you can do at still being a great friend. They won’t forget it, really.

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